The Power of Empathy

In an ever divisive world, underscored by technological, social and physical changes, the ability to empathize is more important than ever. The pandemic has made this even more critical, and as we begin to shift back to normalcy, empathy will be a vital tool in our arsenal to help support those who have been suffering in recent times.

To say that the past year has been a transformative time in the world is an understatement. The Coronavirus pandemic has accelerated technological change, pushing remote work to the forefront and with it, significant changes to how we communicate and interact with others. Unfortunately, this has lead to a much more isolated world, decreasing our opportunities to practice our ability to empathize with others and to provide support in times of crisis.

Personally, as I’ve grown up, learning how to effectively empathize has been something I’ve placed a large emphasis on (I’m still constantly iterating on it, however, and recognize that I’m nowhere near perfect). In my opinion, it’s the number one way to improve one’s emotional intelligence, and if it was taught more effectively at a young age, would help solve a lot of the societal issues we see today. Empathy is extremely powerful, and practicing it can lead to radiating changes in other parts of one’s life.

What is Empathy?

“When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.” — Susan Sarandon

Dictionary.com defines empathy as “the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” From a non-definition approach, and from my own personal upbringing, I’ve learned to interpret empathy as the ability to “put yourself in another person’s shoes.” While it sounds easy on paper, it’s a method of thinking that many people struggle with (myself included), but when done effectively, can provide tremendous insight into the minds of those around us.

Essentially, empathy is the ability to place yourself in the overall living situation someone else is currently experiencing, a living situation influenced by a multitude of factors. The lives of everyone on Earth can be seen as a set books all being concurrently written, each book pertaining to the story of an individual person. When someone is able to “plug” themselves into someone else’s story, enabling them to truly understand their different experiences and the various factors affecting their life, is when something truly special begins to occur. With empathy, we can step in as the main character in someone else’s book, in turn helping us critically think about what they’re going through and ultimately better enable ourselves to respond to their current emotions and actions.

Why is Empathy so Difficult?

I’m no expert when it comes to human psychology (far from it, to be even more honest), so I’m going to approach this from my point of view. Personally, one of the reasons I think being empathetic is so difficult for many of us is due to the insane focus placed on individualism in our country. It’s a driving force between a lot of the issues we face today, and limits how much we care when it comes to the lives, feelings or experiences of others.

Plainly said, though, empathy is a complicated way of thinking. Closely tied with introspectiveness and compassion, it’s a very abstract way of thinking that isn’t given enough emphasis as we grow up. It’s easy to tell someone to simply “put themselves in the shoes of others,” but that leaves vital questions unanswered, such as:

• when exactly should I be “putting myself in the shoes of others?”
• what factors should I consider when trying to experience how this person feels?
• if I need additional information, how do I go about asking them for it in a non-intrusive manner?
• how do I separate my current living situation from that of someone else’s so that I can truly empathize in a controlled manner?

How I Approach Empathy

With anything in life, learning how to effectively empathize takes practice, and a lot of it at that. Situations that call for empathy can’t be forced either, and empathy is most effective for truly organic situations. That said, after having worked on it consistently for the last half decade or so, the way I try to empathize boils down to three identifiable parts (most of which occurs naturally without thinking at this point):

• What is the other person(s) feeling? What is their current emotional state, and how are they acting in response to their emotions?

Effectively reading emotions is a whole other beast, but under the assumption that we’re doing this effectively, it lays the groundwork for our ability to empathize. Depending on the emotions and actions of the the other person, it changes how we’re going to approach them. Do they appear angry? We should likely approach them in a calm, relaxed manner. Do they appear sad? A more supportive inflection would be better in this scenario. Or do they appear embarrassed? Some joy or humor could be really effective to mellow the tune here.

• If necessary, gather some extra context. What’s going on? What happened? What caused them to feel this way?

Under the assumption that the other person is willing to open up, this will allows us to “plug” ourselves into their current living situation. If they don’t want to open up, that should be the end of it, as their boundaries should be respected and some expression of sympathy could be more effective here as a result.

Many times, though, people are more than happy to open up, and extra context in addition to their emotions really gives us the knowledge we need to feel what they’re experiencing. It also shows the other person that we truly care, and that we don’t want them to be alone in feeling the way that they do.

• Finally, with a sense of their emotions and the context behind them, try to conceptualize and understand why they feel this way. It may not be logical, and many times, it isn’t. Humans are extremely emotional, but this is what makes us truly special.

Every situation is different, so the final outcome of trying to empathize with someone is going to vary. If someone is going through a saddening event, providing support and care is likely the best response in this scenario. If they’re angry at something you did, talking it through with them may be your best bet, and having empathized could have helped you realize that you have indeed done something wrong that angered them. If you’re in a heated debate with someone, it can give you perspective on their way of thinking, and enable you to more effectively communicate your point of view to the other person.

Effective empathy takes practice, but is a valuable skill that can begin to have a massive impact on other parts of your life. It’s a soft skill many companies worth working for look out for, and can help strengthen one’s introspectiveness, ability to be compassionate, and even one’s critical thinking skills in strategic situations.

Empathy is truly powerful, and overall makes us more approachable people in various facets of our lives. It provides us a foundation for better thinking about why people act the way they do, and how to approach them with one’s thoughts if the situation calls for it.

In our post-Covid world, as millions of people begin to adjust to our society’s new “normalcy,” empathetic people are going to be needed more than ever. People will be coming out of difficult, confusing, and saddening situations post-isolation, and providing some sort of response is going to be vital.

As Daniel Goleman bests puts it, “a prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention to the person in pain.”